“Men Don’t Marry the Woman They Love, They Marry the Woman in Front of Them”
“Men marry the woman in front of them at the time they are ready to get married,” says Tiktoker Tay Talks.
In a viral video, Tay explains that men don’t marry the woman they actually love the most, they marry the woman they’re dating when they consciously decide they’re ready to settle down.
The idea is that men will only see marriage as an option when they are emotionally and financially ready, and therefore will miss the opportunity of marrying their soulmate on account of bad timing.
According to this theory, all men have “one who got away” they often reminisce about.
As with all popular theories on romantic relationships, this one has some truth to it — but it would be a mistake to believe it applies to everyone.
Plenty of men marry women they’re madly in love with but at the same time, the most amazing, beautiful, thoughtful woman can’t make a man interested in marriage if marriage isn’t a part of his values, or if he’s not ready to get married.
How men and women see marriage
Women are brought up to fear wasting too much time in the search for a partner and missing the marriage “boat.” They’re not expected to consider for too long whether they’re ready for marriage or not, they’re expected to be ready pretty much the moment they become adults.
Women are taught it’s dangerous to date casually, and dangerous to get too involved with anyone they don’t see a future with. They’ll either break up with men they don’t see themselves married to or do everything in their power to make these men “fit” into the vision they have for the future — even though a little voice in her head keeps telling them it’s not going to work out.
Men are brought up to not even consider getting married unless they’re ready in every possible sense: psychologically, emotionally, and financially. It can get to the point where men overthink what it means to be ready and whether or not they are, which can definitely cost them precious opportunities for partnering up with women they’re in love with.
The myth of the “right” woman
I’ve said it before — and I’ll say it again — the idea that women have a responsibility to somehow “fix” men is dangerous.
“He just hasn’t met the ‘right’ woman yet” is the oldest excuse in the book for men who not only remain single well into their forties but who act irresponsibly and refuse to grow up.
The expectation that being the “right” woman, the woman who’s just so special he can’t afford to lose, will make a man completely change his ways leads too many women to invest in men who are simply not interested in changing.
His desire to be a certain kind of person, and his views of marriage as a value to aspire to (or not) make a bigger difference in his attitude than having the “right” woman by his side.
The “right” woman can give him the strength to carry on with his purpose, but the purpose must come first. She can’t change a man who’s not interested in changing.
That’s the part where the timing argument makes sense. It doesn’t matter how much he loves the woman he’s with, if he’s not interested in or doesn’t feel ready for marriage, chances are he won’t get married at all — or will at the very least drag his feet as much as possible.
Settling for “good enough”
When it comes to decision-making, human beings are either maximizers or satisficers.
Satisficers aim for a good enough decision. They tend to establish a minimum set of criteria that would satisfice them, and once they find an option that meets that set of criteria, they take it.
Maximizers believe there’s a better option out there — a perfect option — and they’ll find it as long as they keep looking. Maximizers can’t be content with a choice unless they’re sure it’s the perfect one, but how can they know they’ve found the perfect option until they’ve exhausted every possibility? As long as there might be something better out there, the maximizer won’t be satisfied with what he does have.
Maximizers and satisficers are not divided by sex. A man can be either a maximizer or a satisficer. If he’s a satisficer, there’s a higher chance he’ll marry the good enough option sooner rather than later. If he’s a maximizer, he might eventually end up pushed toward marriage, but he’ll doubt his decision for the rest of his life.
The truth about one who got away
The one who got away will be forever a girlfriend.
The one who got away will always seem like the ideal option, the one he loved the most because that story never advanced to the next chapter. He never got to see what being married to her was actually like, so in his mind, it would have been perfect.
He’ll remember her as the fun and relaxed girlfriend he hung out with. He’ll remember the many times they had spontaneous sex couch while watching a movie on a Saturday night. He’ll remember eating take-out out of the box and leaving the boxes on the counter until the next day, or the day after when they finally took out the trash.
This girl has an unfair advantage over the girl he ends up marrying: she never had to become the nagging wife.
The wife can’t have spontaneous couch sex with you because of the kids, or because she’s exhausted from trying to manage a full-time job and housework. By the way, your Saturday night movie is now Frozen, for the twentieth time, and nothing could get either of you less in the mood.
The wife worries about making healthy home-cooked meals instead of ordering take-out, and god forbid leaving trash on the counter overnight.
The wife is stressed out and worried, and anytime she snaps at her husband, he gets a free pass to daydream about his “one who got away.”
It’s tempting to daydream about “the one who got away” when you’re going through a rough patch in your marriage, or when your expectations for marriage were so off base that now you’re disappointed beyond belief, regardless of how much you loved your wife when you married her.
When a man who’s going through a rough patch in his marriage confesses how often he thinks about the one who got away, it’s easy to reach the conclusion that he married the wrong person.
So we assume he didn’t marry for love, he married because the timing was right.
But that conclusion is often based on biases, fantasy, and the rewriting of history.
Source: Renata Ellera Gomes
In the heart of Ghana, where tribal traditions run deep and cultural boundaries are well-defined, lived two young individuals, Nana and Ama. They were from different tribes, the Ashanti and the Ewe, and their love story defied not only their families’ expectations but also centuries-old tribal norms.
Nana, a charismatic Ashanti man, was known for his warm smile and strong sense of community. He had grown up in a small village in the Ashanti region and was deeply rooted in his cultural traditions. On the other side, Ama, an Ewe woman, had a passion for education and had moved to Accra, the capital city, to pursue her dreams.
Their paths crossed at the University of Ghana, where they were both studying economics. Despite their different backgrounds, they connected instantly, bonding over their shared love for education and their dreams of making a difference in their communities.
As their relationship deepened, Nana and Ama knew they were in love, but they also knew that their love was considered forbidden by their families and tribes. The Ashanti and Ewe tribes had a history of rivalry and conflict, making relationships between members of the two tribes extremely rare and often frowned upon.
Nana and Ama decided to keep their relationship a secret, fearing the repercussions it could have on their families and futures. They knew they had to find a way to bridge the gap between their tribes and prove that their love was stronger than any tribal differences.
After graduating, Nana and Ama returned to their respective villages, but they continued their relationship in secret. They spent years working tirelessly to improve their communities, hoping that their dedication to their people would eventually earn the respect and acceptance of their families.
Slowly but surely, their efforts began to pay off. Their families, witnessing the positive impact Nana and Ama were making in their communities, started to reconsider their deeply ingrained prejudices. Elders from both tribes eventually agreed to meet and discuss the relationship.
In a powerful and emotional gathering, Nana and Ama’s families came together to celebrate their love and acknowledge that it transcended tribal boundaries. They realized that the love and commitment their children had shown to their communities were far more important than any tribal differences.
Nana and Ama’s love story, once considered forbidden, became a symbol of hope and unity in their communities. Their wedding, which incorporated elements from both the Ashanti and Ewe traditions, was a joyous occasion attended by members of both tribes, symbolizing the breaking down of old prejudices.
Nana and Ama’s love story serves as a reminder that love has the power to transcend cultural and tribal boundaries, and that when people come together with genuine love and respect, they can bridge even the deepest divides.
This real-life story from Ghana showcases the challenges and triumphs of a forbidden love that ultimately brought two tribes together in the name of love and unity.
In the enchanting city of Accra, Ghana, a love story unfolded, filled with second chances and newfound hope. Meet Nana, a resilient and introspective individual, who, after going through heartbreak, found a renewed appreciation for love. Determined not to repeat past mistakes, Nana embraced this second chance at love with open arms.
Nana had learned valuable lessons from his previous relationship, realizing that true love required effort, understanding, and a commitment to growth. He recognized that he needed to embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth before fully embracing a new love.
During this transformative period, Nana focused on cultivating self-love and self-acceptance. He engaged in activities that brought him joy and nurtured his well-being. Through self-reflection and introspection, he gained clarity about his values, desires, and the kind of partner he aspired to be.
With a renewed sense of purpose, Nana crossed paths with Akua, a vibrant and compassionate soul who shared his vision of a meaningful and authentic relationship. Akua had also experienced her fair share of heartbreak but approached love with an open heart and a willingness to grow alongside Nana.
As their connection deepened, Nana embraced the opportunity to create a healthy and fulfilling relationship with Akua. He recognized that love required open communication, trust, and vulnerability. Together, they embarked on a journey of mutual understanding, committed to building a solid foundation of love and respect.
Nana took the time to truly listen to Akua, acknowledging her needs, dreams, and aspirations. He recognized the importance of emotional support and made it a priority to be her rock, standing by her side through life’s ups and downs.
He made a conscious effort to demonstrate his love through actions, both big and small. From surprise gestures to heartfelt conversations, Nana ensured that Akua felt cherished and valued every step of the way. He learned to appreciate the beauty of compromise, seeking solutions that honoured both their individuality and their shared goals.
In their journey of love, Nana and Akua never shied away from the lessons of the past. They acknowledged their imperfections and celebrated their growth, understanding that mistakes were opportunities for learning and deeper connection. They embraced open and honest communication, resolving conflicts with empathy and understanding.
As their love story unfolded, Nana found solace in the fact that he had learned from his past and was actively applying those lessons to create a beautiful and lasting relationship. He cherished the second chance he had been given and vowed to nurture their love with tenderness, dedication, and authenticity.
And so, dear reader, the story of Nana and Akua teaches us that second chances are gifts to be treasured. It reminds us that the key to not messing up a newfound love lies in personal growth, self-reflection, and a commitment to learning from past experiences. In the enchanting city of Accra, Nana and Akua celebrated their love, knowing that their second chance was a precious opportunity to create a love story that would stand the test of time.
In the picturesque town of Tema, Ghana, a love story unfolded with unexpected twists and turns. Meet Kwesi and Esi, a couple whose lives were about to be forever altered. Their relationship had been built on a foundation of trust, but one fateful day, everything changed when Esi came home with another man’s pregnancy.
Kwesi, a devoted and caring husband, was taken aback by the news. Confusion and hurt washed over him as he tried to make sense of the situation. Esi, on the other hand, carried a mix of guilt and fear, aware of the pain she had caused her beloved husband.
In the midst of their tumultuous emotions, Kwesi and Esi knew that they needed to confront the truth head-on. With heavy hearts, they sat down and engaged in an honest and emotional conversation. Esi explained the circumstances that led to the pregnancy, confessing her mistake and expressing remorse for her actions.
Though devastated, Kwesi recognized that their love was built on a solid foundation that could withstand even the most difficult challenges. He understood that forgiveness and understanding were necessary for their relationship to heal and move forward. Despite the pain, he chose to stand by Esi’s side and find a way to navigate the complicated path ahead.
Together, they sought guidance from a counselor who specialized in helping couples overcome infidelity and rebuild trust. They embarked on a journey of introspection, exploring the underlying issues that might have contributed to Esi’s actions. They learned to communicate more openly, addressing their fears, desires, and expectations within the relationship.
Throughout the process, Kwesi and Esi discovered the power of empathy and compassion. Kwesi had the strength to extend forgiveness, recognizing that people make mistakes, and that love has the capacity to heal even the deepest wounds. Esi, in turn, felt a renewed commitment to their relationship, vowing to rebuild the trust she had broken.
As Esi’s pregnancy progressed, Kwesi wrestled with conflicting emotions. While the child was not his biologically, he understood that a life was being created, and he chose to embrace the child as his own. With time, he found solace in the idea of becoming a loving and supportive father figure.
Throughout the pregnancy, Kwesi and Esi leaned on each other for support. They attended counseling sessions together, seeking guidance on how to navigate the challenges that lay ahead as they prepared for the arrival of the child. They engaged in open and honest conversations about co-parenting, setting boundaries, and establishing a harmonious environment for their growing family.
In time, the wounds began to heal, and a newfound sense of trust and understanding blossomed between Kwesi and Esi. Their love story took an unexpected turn, but their commitment to each other and their willingness to confront the difficult truth allowed them to find a way forward.
And so, dear reader, the story of Kwesi and Esi teaches us that love is not immune to challenges or mistakes. It reminds us that forgiveness, understanding, and open communication are vital ingredients in healing and rebuilding a fractured relationship. In the picturesque town of Tema, Kwesi and Esi defied the odds, embracing the complexities of their journey and finding strength in their love to overcome the unexpected and create a future filled with hope and redemption.