If your climaxes seem like a lot of work for not much payoff, the reasons could be physical or psychological, could be technique, or could be you just need a little help from some “friends.” Don’t give up — help is on the way.
“The ability to achieve a healthy, strong, satisfying orgasm is a gift. When we have low libido, inability to orgasm, or our quality of orgasm is not as strong as it used to be, can anything be done? Plenty!” says Evelyn Hecht, director of EMH Physical Therapy in Sag Harbor, New York.
Get Your Head in the Game. Focus, Focus, Focus!
You need to be fully present, says Ellen Barnard, sex educator, sex counselor, and spokesperson for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Turn off your cell and put it where you can’t see it. Shut down the email. Send the kids to Grandma’s or at least lock the door. When you are distracted with life, you are essentially on the bleachers during sex when you should be focused on the playing field.
“Focus on how your body feels, the awareness of pleasure, following the sensation with your attention. When you find your mind wandering to to-do lists, just bring it right back,” says Barnard.
Undiscovered Sexual Pleasure Zones: Explore Beyond the Usual Hot Spots
Remember that you are more than just genitals; the body is filled with many nerve endings. Tapping into your undiscovered sexual pleasure zones (everyone is different) can intensify the experience and orgasmic potential.
One great way to do that is by body mapping, says Michael Krychman, MD, executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine in Newport Beach, California. Each partner draws an outline of the front and back of their body, then they draw on areas where they want to be touched, are up for something new, and want to avoid. You could use color codes: Green means full speed ahead, red means stay away, and yellow means proceed with caution, instructions to follow. Then each explains to the other what they mean.
“This enhances sexual communication and ups the odds that you’ll get the kind of stimulation you want. If you update the map from time to time, you’ll avoid getting stuck in a rut and make room for body, appetite, and life changes,” explains Dr. Krychman, who is also the co-author of The Sexual Spark.
Vaginal Versus Clitoral Orgasms: Not Either-Or
And for the record, let’s put to rest the myth that all women can come from vaginal stimulation alone. A study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy reports that “while 18.4 percent of women reported that intercourse alone was sufficient for orgasm, 36.6 percent reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional 36 percent indicated that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if their clitoris is stimulated during intercourse.”
Get a Medical Checkup With Your Physician
Certain diseases (diabetes) and medications (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, anticonvulsants) can affect the ability to reach orgasm. Barnard says that the issues for which you would want to get medical advice are trouble getting aroused, difficulty getting an erection or maintaining one, and a general lack of sensation during arousal or orgasm.
How Healthy Is Your Pelvic Floor?
Did you know that there are pelvic therapy specialists out there? You can get assessed by these specialists if you suspect that physical therapy might be necessary. “To have a really good orgasm, your pelvic floor muscles need to be relaxed during the day, not in a high tense state, always on guard. Most people don’t realize they are holding tension in their pelvic floor, like a tight fist, which can lead to painful sexual intercourse with women, difficulty in achieving and maintaining erection in men, and for both, the ability to orgasm,” says Hecht.
Pelvic Muscles and What’s Required for Good Orgasmic Contractions
In addition to more obvious workouts, like Pilates or yoga, which help strengthen the pelvic floor while exercising your whole body, some physical therapy studios, such as the Herman and Wallace Pelvic Rehabilitation Institute, specialize in pelvic floor health. A good orgasmic contraction has to go from a fully relaxed long state to a fully tense short state so if your pelvic muscles are constantly contracted, you won’t get the full Monty. Practice exercises that relax those muscles.
Hecht recommends these moves to ease tight pelvic muscles:
Happy Baby Pose Lie on your back and bring both knees to your chest. Bending at the knee, raise the lower part of your legs straight up in the air. Keep your feet flexed and hold on at the soles. Pull your feet so that you are pulling your knees toward the floor. You are stretching and opening your pelvic floor.
Inner Thigh Groin Stretch Sit on the floor with your legs spread straight to each side as far as you can go. Breathe rhythmically as you lean forward and then over each leg so you feel a stretch in the inner thighs.
Proper Kegels Squeeze your anal and vaginal region tight for five seconds to start. Breathe through it. Don’t squeeze your butt or abdominal muscles. Work up to 10 seconds. Release slowly and relax fully. Wait for 10 seconds before trying again. If you work up to 10 seconds, rest for 20. Do 10 repetitions. Then do a faster squeeze: Squeeze the anal-vaginal area for a second and relax for two seconds. Exhale in rhythm during the squeeze, inhaling during the relaxation. Do two sets of 10 reps once a day. Kegels strengthen and stabilize the core.
Fill Your Sexual Toy Chest: Toys Aren’t Just for Kids!
There are a variety of gadgets out there intended to intensify stimulation or increase your ability to feel sensation in different parts of your body. You could have nipple stimulation at the same time that you have other stimulation. Everyone is different; explore what works for you. (Go ahead, you don’t necessarily need a partner for this!)
All Hail Mother’s Little Helper, the Great and Powerful Vibrator
All it wants to do is please you.
“It doesn’t poop out the way a hand or tongue can. A vibrator is steady and consistent,” says Barnard, who is also co-owner of A Woman’s Touch Sexuality Resource Center in Madison, Wisconsin. Vibrators come in all sizes, speeds, materials, and price points, and can hit many erogenous spots or just stay with one. If you are not sure what you like (hard vibrations or gentle pulses?) or how you will use it, choose one that provides adjustable levels of vibration and can be used internally and externally. “Don’t get too complicated or you’ll spend more time figuring out how to use the thing than enjoying the sensations,” says Barnard.
Men aren’t left out of the fun. Barnard recommends:
Use an erection ring with a vibrator or a vibrator externally on the penis; playing with a vibrator under the head at the frenulum is a good technique to increase the intensity of stimulation of the nerves that trigger orgasm.
A pump or erection ring can intensify erections. This makes access to the nerves easier.
Add prostate stimulation with a finger, a prostate stimulator like one of the Aneros devices, or a vibrator intended for prostate stimulation. This stimulates more sensory nerves and can increase the odds of achieving orgasm.
If you are too shy to go to a brick-and-mortar store, turn on the private browser feature on your computer. Plenty of online stores are discreet.
Do you or any of your friends have similar stories? Send to email@example.com!
Why You Should Disclose Your STI Status to Your Partners
In the vibrant city of Kumasi, Ghana, a tale of love, honesty, and courage unfolded. Meet Ama, a compassionate and determined young woman, and Kwame, a kind-hearted and understanding man. Their love story was one that transcended barriers, as they learned the importance of disclosing their STI status to each other.
As their relationship blossomed, Ama found the strength to open up to Kwame about her STI status. She understood that this conversation was crucial for the well-being and trust within their relationship. With a pounding heart and a sense of vulnerability, Ama mustered the courage to disclose her status, unsure of how Kwame would react.
To her relief, Kwame listened attentively, appreciating Ama’s honesty and her courage to share such a sensitive matter. He assured her that he respected her openness and cared deeply for her well-being. Together, they embraced the importance of transparency and understanding in their relationship.
Recognizing the significance of this conversation, Ama and Kwame embarked on a journey of learning and understanding. They sought guidance from healthcare professionals who provided them with accurate information about the specific STI, its transmission, and the necessary precautions to maintain their sexual health.
With newfound knowledge, Ama and Kwame fostered open lines of communication about their sexual health and desires. They acknowledged that disclosing one’s STI status not only promoted trust and respect but also allowed them to make informed decisions about their intimate lives.
Ama and Kwame understood that their journey would involve taking necessary precautions to ensure their sexual health and prevent the transmission of the STI. They diligently followed the guidance provided by healthcare professionals, including the use of barrier methods and regular check-ups.
Their journey was not without challenges, but they faced them together with unwavering support and understanding. Ama and Kwame recognized that their love extended beyond physical intimacy, and their commitment to each other grew stronger through the trials they faced.
Through their experience, Ama and Kwame learned that disclosing one’s STI status is not only an act of responsibility but also an act of love. It fosters an environment of trust, empathy, and support within a relationship. They discovered that honest communication and education were powerful tools that could strengthen their bond and deepen their connection.
As their love story continued to unfold, Ama and Kwame became advocates for sexual health within their community. They shared their experience and knowledge, encouraging others to have open and honest conversations about their sexual health with their partners.
And so, dear reader, the story of Ama and Kwame teaches us that love and honesty go hand in hand. It reminds us of the importance of disclosing our STI status to our partners, as it fosters trust, respect, and responsible decision-making within our relationships. In the vibrant city of Kumasi, Ama and Kwame celebrated their love, empowered by their openness and the unbreakable bond they had formed.
How to Cope With (and Fix) Vaginal Dryness-Naa’s Story
In the serene coastal town of Cape Coast, Ghana, a tale of love and resilience unfolded. Meet Naa, a vibrant and compassionate woman, and Kwame, her devoted partner. Their love story was one of unwavering support and a shared determination to navigate the challenges they faced, including the delicate issue of vaginal dryness.
As time passed, Naa began to experience vaginal dryness, a condition that not only affected her physically but also had an impact on their intimate moments. Sensing Naa’s discomfort, Kwame approached the situation with empathy and a deep desire to find a solution that would allow their love to flourish.
With open hearts and a commitment to their relationship, Naa and Kwame embarked on a journey of understanding and exploration. They recognized that vaginal dryness could be caused by various factors, including hormonal changes, stress, certain medications, and even certain hygiene products.
Together, they sought advice from healthcare professionals who specialized in women’s health. They learned about the various treatment options available, such as lubricants, moisturizers, and hormone therapies. Naa, supported by Kwame’s unwavering presence, sought medical guidance to address any underlying causes contributing to her condition.
In addition to medical interventions, Naa and Kwame discovered the power of open communication. They fostered an environment where discussing their desires, fears, and concerns surrounding intimacy was not only accepted but encouraged. They explored the importance of foreplay, embracing longer periods of arousal and engaging in sensual activities that nurtured their emotional connection.
Naa and Kwame also embarked on a journey of self-discovery. They learned about the power of self-care, embracing practices that nurtured Naa’s overall well-being. They prioritized stress reduction techniques such as meditation, exercise, and engaging in activities they both enjoyed. This allowed Naa to reclaim her sensual identity, free from the pressures that accompanied vaginal dryness.
As they navigated the complexities of vaginal dryness together, Naa and Kwame discovered that their love was not solely defined by physical intimacy. They realized that emotional connection, trust, and open communication were the pillars that held their relationship strong.
Naa and Kwame explored the beauty of intimacy beyond traditional notions. They embraced the power of touch, focusing on sensual massages, extended periods of foreplay, and finding pleasure in exploring new erogenous zones. They learned to be patient with one another, acknowledging that vulnerability and understanding were vital elements in overcoming the challenges they faced.
With time, patience, and a deep commitment to their love, Naa and Kwame found solace in the fact that they were not alone on this journey. They discovered that there is no shame in seeking support or guidance, as they realized that many couples face similar challenges.
And so, dear reader, the story of Naa and Kwame teaches us that love conquers all obstacles. It reminds us that addressing and coping with vaginal dryness requires patience, understanding, and a shared commitment to exploring new avenues of intimacy. In the picturesque town of Cape Coast, Naa and Kwame celebrated their love, embracing the beauty of their connection and the strength they found in facing challenges together.
Prostate Cancer: What It Means for Your Sex Life
In the quiet neighborhood of Osu, nestled in the heart of Accra, Ghana, a love story unfolded, weaving together the delicate strands of devotion, resilience, and the unwavering spirit of two souls. Meet Kofi and Akua, a couple whose love stood tall in the face of adversity as they navigated the impact of prostate cancer on their sex life.
Kofi, a kind-hearted and strong-willed man, was diagnosed with prostate cancer, sending shockwaves through their once blissful existence. Akua, a pillar of strength and unwavering support, stood by his side, ready to face the challenges that lay ahead.
As Kofi embarked on his journey of treatment and recovery, both he and Akua realized that their love was not confined to physical intimacy alone. They understood that their connection ran far deeper, rooted in a bond forged by shared dreams, trust, and unwavering companionship.
In the intimate moments of vulnerability, Kofi and Akua openly discussed the impact of prostate cancer on their sex life. They shed tears, shared fears, and explored the options available to them. They sought advice from medical professionals who specialized in cancer care, learning about the potential side effects of treatment and the strategies to navigate them.
Through their research and candid conversations, Kofi and Akua discovered that prostate cancer treatment might cause changes in sexual function, including erectile dysfunction and decreased libido. Armed with knowledge, they embarked on a journey to find new ways to connect and experience pleasure.
They explored the power of communication and trust, recognizing that open dialogue was key to understanding each other’s needs and desires. They learned to embrace the changes and limitations imposed by the illness, finding solace in the knowledge that love transcends physicality.
Kofi and Akua delved into the realm of intimacy, discovering alternative avenues of pleasure and connection. They explored sensual touch, engaged in passionate kisses, and discovered the beauty of emotional intimacy. They embraced the power of non-sexual acts of love, realizing that affection, understanding, and emotional support were the building blocks of their relationship.
They sought guidance from sexual health professionals who specialized in assisting couples affected by cancer. With their support, Kofi and Akua learned techniques to enhance pleasure, utilizing aids and devices that could bring them closer together.
As their journey unfolded, Kofi and Akua discovered a newfound depth to their love. Their intimate moments became a testament to their resilience, strength, and the power of unwavering support. They found solace in the understanding that love is not defined by physical abilities alone but by the profound emotional connection they shared.
And so, dear reader, the story of Kofi and Akua reminds us that love can triumph over adversity. It teaches us that while prostate cancer may pose challenges to a couple’s sex life, it is an opportunity to explore alternative forms of connection and deepen the bond that holds them together. In the vibrant neighborhood of Osu, Kofi and Akua proved that love is not defined by the presence or absence of physical intimacy, but by the unwavering support and unwavering commitment to stand by each other’s side through life’s trials.