I know some women hate performing oral sex on a guy, and I get it—having someone’s junk thrusting inside your mouth (and ugh, the annoying head push!) isn’t everyone’s idea of fun. But to me, there’s nothing more empowering and exciting than to have full control of over a penis—and by effect, the man attached to it.
“Men love blow jobs because the act feels like sex, but it’s a very different experience—they get to relax and receive and just enjoy what’s happening in front of them,” says Vanessa Marin, a certified sex therapist in L.A. (who makes me feel a lot less anti-feminist, I must say).
“The visual element of watching their penis slip in and out of a mouth gets a lot of guys going,” she adds. Not to mention, unlike a hand job or even penetrative sex, men can’t replicate the sensation of a blow job on their own (obviously). Your mouth is wet and warm, like a vagina (or a lubed-up hand), but your lips and tongue are living, roving, irreplaceable works of art.
But like with any sex act, enjoying the experience yourself (which, if you’re going to do it, you absolutely should) typically comes from having some level of confidence in yourself—and that comes from knowing what you’re doing.
So here’s how to give the best blow job he’ll ever have (I swear)—and making it more pleasurable for yourself in the process:
1. Show enthusiasm about giving him a blow job.
By far the number one rule for giving good head is acting like you want to be giving head.
“The biggest complaint I hear from male clients about blow jobs has nothing to do with technique and everything to do with their partner’s enthusiasm about it,” Marin says. “Men will have a great time if they know their partner is enjoying it.” (Aww.)
That’s not to say you should pretend you like doing something in the bedroom if you straight-up don’t. (On that vein, never do something you’re not comfortable with a sexual partner.) But if you’re going to consider going down a guy—which, if you’re reading this article, it seems that you are—the best thing you can bring to the BJ party is a good attitude.
A few ways to show your enthusiasm:
Make eye contact. Don’t stare at him the entire time without blinking (creepy), but do take conscious breaks to switch your gaze from his penis to his eyes, taking in all of his facial cues. (This is also a great opp to bat your lashes and “smize,” you sexpot.)
Ask him what he wants. Your asking for live feedback shows that you care and want to give him the best experience possible. Ask “How does this feel?” right before you put your mouth back on him, or “Is this wet enough for you?” midway through. One question not to ask: “Dude, are you close yet?”
2. Bring your hands into the mix.
A blow job might count as oral sex, but that doesn’t mean your mouth has to do all the work. “I like to think of the mouth as providing wetness and your hands as providing tightness,” says Marin.
If your jaw starts to feel sore or tired a few minutes into the job, you’re likely suctioning too hard with your mouth. So shift some of the work to your hands, counting on them for pressure.
Here’s your basic stroke once you’ve warmed up a bit:
Wrap your dominant hand around his shaft, then add your mouth.
Move your hand-plus-lips up and down his penis.
If he’s well-endowed (go, girl), you can keep your mouth in one place and move your wet hand up and down separately.
Then from there, you can mix up your hand technique a bit. Try the Wrist Twist: With your mouth on his penis (this is still oral sex), rotate your firm wrist in clockwise circles as you move your hand up and down.
Bring your other hand into the game once you’ve gotten your bearings. The best placement? Use it to cup and gently squeeze his balls.
3. Don’t be afraid to add spit (lots of it).
During one of the first blow jobs I ever gave (to a guy I’d been dating for five months, so we were super comfortable with each other), my partner told me to spit on him. It freaked me out for a sec—I remember wondering if spitting was some weird fetish—but then realized he just liked it extra wet.
While every man is definitely different and has his own personal preferences, I’ve found that most agree that a good blow job requires a lot of saliva. You don’t want to go overboard to the point that your hand is slipping all over the place, but try to do some **sexy** spitting (read: make it subtle) whenever his penis starts to feel a little dry.
On that note, keep a glass of water nearby to prevent dry mouth—you’ll need it.
4. Keep your tongue soft and loose—for the most part.
When you’re blowing him, your tongue provides the warmth, texture, and wetness that he can’t get elsewhere.
To maximize its sensation, Marin suggests keeping your tongue soft in your mouth when you’re moving up and down (the majority of your blow job), then using the tip of your tongue to trace the head and frenulum—the underside where the penis head (if circumcised) meets the shaft.
Those two areas, especially the frenulum, are packed with nerve endings, so he’ll go crazy.
You can also use the flat side of your tongue to lick from the bottom of his shaft to the very tip and down again, or throw in a few tongue flicks. These are more like little garnishes to sprinkle in—and tbh, a little porn-esque, so call on your inner kink.
5. Pretend you’re about to say the word purple.
At some point during my writing career in women’s magazines, I picked up a tip from a sexpert (I wish I could remember who!) that has become my trusty signature move. (I almost hate sharing it, but in the name of better blow jobs for all…)
As you suck on him, try to keep your lips in a slightly fish-face position—pretend you’re about to say “purple.” The word naturally contorts your lips into the perfect head-giving pout: They’re slightly curled and pillowy, which makes them feel wetter and creates ideal suction.
6. Attempt the deep throat—if you like it.
Deep throating—where you take his member so far into your mouth, it’s in your throat—is definitely an advanced skill. For two words: gag reflex.
Some women’s gag reflex is more easily activated than others, but if you’re able to train it—I did by practicing on, no joke, frozen ice pops—you can surprise (and by that, I mean SHOCK) your partner with moments of deep throating.
Not only does deep throating feel amazing to them (your throat is obviously tighter than their mouth), but guys also love seeing their entire length somehow fit inside your mouth. (Back to that visual thing that Marin talked about.)
A word of caution: Ease into this, and only when you can breathe well through your nose. No penis is worth choking over.
7. Ask him about butt play.
Not all guys like to have their backside touched at all. But some all-caps love it.
If you’re into the idea, Marin suggests asking your partner if he likes having a finger in or around his butt, or if he’s ever had anyone try. You’ll be able to gauge if he’s down to experiment, really wants it, or is hands-down against it. (No judgment either way.)
If you’re both game, move a finger or two toward his perineum (or “taint”)—the area between his scrotum and anus—and go from there. The prostate lies right under the perineum and is known to be the “male G-spot.”
“The holy trifecta of oral sex is mouth on head, hand on shaft, hand on balls,” says Marin. “The holy quad would bring the butt into it.”
So there you have it—all the tips you need to give a really, REALLY good blow job. Go try them on your partner and wear your invisible crown with pride. You earned it.
What is orgasm?
When you get sexually aroused your vagina becomes wetter, which makes it smooth and slippery. With more stimulation, you could climax (orgasm).
When a man gets really turned on, he can have an orgasm – in other words, he can come, or climax.
Benefits of sexual intercourse during pregnancy
It’s strange and funny how so many people go on a long sex vacation when they get pregnant or abandon their wives when they get pregnant in terms of sex. The reasons or excuses are many but before I touch on the many misconceptions some have, I will like to encourage pregnant women who will like their husbands to have sex with them to also put in some effort to get them attracted.
Just because you are pregnant does not mean you shouldn’t take good care of yourself. Bath well and regularly because of the numerous hormones in your system due to the pregnancy. Dress well and look good but don’t stay down and look unattractive and expect your husband to come. Don’t keep saliva in your mouth for long otherwise, it can put your partner off.
When it comes to misconceptions that people have about sex during pregnancy, notable among them is that the semen will spill on the baby and might kill it. The penis might be hitting the baby’s head and affect it. The woman wouldn’t feel for sex during that stage. She will get pregnant again.
When a woman conceives, her cervix is closed. When she engages in sex, the semen cannot go through the cervix because there is also a mucus plug to prevent anything from entering. The penis cannot pass through the cervix into the womb. Most women rather feel for sex when they get pregnant. When a woman gets pregnant, the hormones prevent ovulation which is the release of the egg from the ovary. Imagine the disaster or the trouble of your husband or wife or your partner to wait throughout the 9 months plus delivery, to resume having sex with you. How many people will be able to wait till that period?
The only exception is when the doctor or midwife has indicated that sex can cause a problem for the pregnancy due to vaginal bleeding, repeated miscarriage, early labour treatment, or anything else that poses risk.
Now let us take a look at some of the benefits of having sex when pregnant.
1. Sex during pregnancy is a form of exercise for the lady. This also keeps her active and healthy because it burns out the calorie and keeps blood pressure in check.
2. Sexual intercourse can activate the feel-good hormones in the system. If the pregnant woman is happy, it makes the unborn happy because of their connection.
3. During pregnancy, it offers the couple or partners the opportunity to explore certain sex positions they may not have tried before. Sometimes you even later adopt those as your favourite even after delivery.
4. It creates a bond between the partners as the two people do not have to sexually fast for over 9 months. When sex continuous during pregnancy it doesn’t break the flow between them.
5. Sex is even more enjoyable during pregnancy especially for the woman because of the different hormones in her system and also the blood flow in her vulva.
6. During pregnancy, the woman experiences different hormones which can be very uncomfortable but sexual intercourse during pregnancy can help clear most of it as sex can make her sleep soundly.
7. Sex during pregnancy can make delivery easier, this is because the sperm is rich in a hormone known as prostaglandins which help in uterus contractions.
It is equally important to say that not every pregnant woman feels like having sex. Respect the decision of the woman if she doesn’t feel for it or not comfortable with having sex.
Care needs to be taken so as not to contract any sexually Transmitted Infections as this can also affect the unborn if care is not taken.
Sex during pregnancy is not harmful and can happen throughout the nine-month or the pregnancy period unless the doctor has said otherwise.
By Cons. Michael Tagoe
Good sexual intercourse lasts minutes, not hours, therapists say
Erie, Pa. — Satisfactory sexual intercourse for couples lasts from three to 13 minutes, contrary to popular fantasy about the need for hours of sexual activity, according to a survey of U.S. and Canadian sex therapists.
Penn State Erie researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani conducted a survey of 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which include psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage/family therapists and nurses who have collectively seen thousands of patients over several decades.
Thirty-four, or 68 percent, of the group responded and rated a range of time amounts for sexual intercourse, from penetration of the vagina by the penis until ejaculation, that they considered adequate, desirable, too short and too long.
The average therapists’ responses defined the ranges of intercourse activity times: “adequate,” from three to seven minutes; “desirable,” from seven to 13 minutes; “too short” from one to two minutes; and “too long” from 10 to 30 minutes.
“A man’s or woman’s interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner’s relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society’s messages, formal and informal,” the researchers said. “Unfortunately, today’s popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse. ”
Past research has found that a large percentage of men and women who responded wanted sex to last 30 minutes or longer.
“This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction,” said lead author Eric Corty, associate professor of psychology. “With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions.”
Corty and Guardiani, then an undergraduate student and now a University graduate, are publishing their findings in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, but the article is currently available online.
The survey’s research also has implications for treatment of people with existing sexual problems.
“If a patient is concerned about how long intercourse should last, these data can help shift the patient away from a concern about physical disorders and to be initially treated with counseling, instead of medicine,” Corty noted.